More Reflections

Two blog posts within the same week!?! Must be my mind is drifting off to my thoughts that can keep me up at night. Oddly enough I don't know if I'll be able to cognitively describe what I want to reflect upon since I'm really really tired and probably bored. Here goes anyways.

Acknowledgment, we all want to acknowledged for our achievements and such. Although what if one wanted acknowledgment so that they know that they aren't alone. An example I've used before is in Naruto where the main character Naruto strives for being acknowledged because he was ignored since he has the 9 tailed fox imprisoned within him. I feel like Naruto since I know that my personality isn't that great and won't impress anyone at the beginning.

It is difficult for me to make new friends since I need to know if I can trust them or not, due to my housing fiasco during the beginning of this year. So I'm not sure if the people I'm getting to know up in Sacramento if I'm treating them as just classmates or friends. Since because of my personality I'm naturally a loner and at times I crave the interactions of others. I know I need to make friends and that it's almost a year past and that I need to get to know people. I know many people in my class, don't get me wrong I know a good amount of people. I guess its the activities that I do outside of class. I play basketball with some classmates even though I suck really badly when I do play.

I reflect upon how I've gotten out of a couple relationships and I guess it may be due to them that I have a hard time believing people want to be friends with me without an alternate agenda. I know that I work hard in class and that some people ask me questions and such. I've had experiences where I was not sure if people were my friends because they wanted to or if they wanted something from me.

Although my friends back at home I'm truly blessed because with them I feel I can trust and that they can accept me for who I am. Maybe I need more time before I can find people like that up here in Sacramento but I guess I gotta take some things slow and I'll get good at it.

Old Wounds

All wounds like cuts or scrapes that occur externally heal, and one is left with a scar of that wound. I feel that the same is true for emotional wounds and such. I know that this post may sound like a whiny or something but its a reflection that I've been thinking a lot about lately.

Wounds of the heart are quite painful, I think I may have done a similar post, but I guess this only reinforces my thought process. They hurt a lot and can cause a lot of damage to one's well being. The thing that sucks really bad is that once you think the wounds have healed the scars on it make it ache from time to time. So it would take a considerable amount of time for one to overcome the pains from those wounds on the heart.

A possibility of why wounds of the heart can remain is one probably has memories associated with that pain, just as the physical wounds do as well. I think that may be why one needs lots of time in order to recover. Its interesting how people who do not understand that pain will tell you to just snap out of it. When in reality it is very difficult and may take lots of will power not to become overwhelmed by it. So the scars of my heart will probably need to take a while to fully recover my well being, but I feel that the way I am now I'm a lot better than when I first experienced the wounds upon my heart.

A saying I read in a manga and anime, Fruits Basket, goes something similar to this:
"no matter how painful the memory may be I won't forget it, even if that memory were to hurt me. I'll carry it with me and endure it until eventually the memory can't hurt me anymore. Then I'll be able to consider that memory as a precious memory."

I know that I probably linger upon thoughts that I should probably let go so I can move on, but when I get bored it becomes difficult to keep myself from drifting off to those thoughts and painful memories. As the saying goes, "Time heals all wounds," I probably require more time to recover completely. I just hope that its not too much time, but I'll press onward toward the future to see what it holds and keep my head held up high.