Homesick

Have been feeling a bit off of late, at first thought it was because I was tired from work. Upon further reflection today I came to a realization that it may be due to homesickness that I'm feeling. Guess I miss home, friends, and family. When I think about it I haven't really been home for longer than 2 weeks. It may be that I'm missing things that I don't have here in South Dakota, since I'm living in small town that doesn't have a Walmart or Target. There are times I want to try to talk to friends, but I know that everyone has their own things they are dealing with and I don't want to dump things upon them when I'm going through trouble. I know its not great, but guess replies in the past from people makes me feel that I shouldn't bother them and deal with it in my own way. I would tell my parents but I don't really want to worry my mom or dad. Just something that I must deal with and figure out myself.

An analogy could be is that I'm feeling like how I'm an outcast in this society. The analogy is how Naruto is treated by everyone and how he is shunned by everyone. Sometimes I wish that I could fit in better to feel like I belong. Gonna be a shorter post since I should sleep soon.

Late night reflections again

Another random night of reflection upon listening to Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven." Been a long night and the weather here being cold. Not too sure the feeling that I have within me at this moment. Could possible be that due to my lack of sunlight and warm that my body is feeling some seasonal depression. Hard to say, my mind is just tired and sometimes drifts to the dark.

Doubt is something that I have within me and I struggle to find whether if I make the correct decisions in my life. From the daily work day to making clinical decisions for patients to ensure that I'm doing the right thing for them to my decisions to move far away from home and family and friends. I know that I can't do anything to change that I am here now, but only can control my attitude. It can be hard at times because unlike being in pharm school I at least had daily interactions with people who were equal to me and such. Here I try to get to know my co-workers but work consumes most of my day that I don't any much interactions with them besides patients. At times I feel that I have sentenced myself to my own little isolation. It could be just sitting alone in the small house I'm renting or the cold that pierces through. Funny how I find that these rantings only strangers may happen upon by random searches since long has the blogging trend has ended with my friends. Quite rarely does anyone still maintain their blogs I know that many of my own friends have stopped theirs because of being too busy and whatnot.

I know that I need to stay a little more positive and that I'll get through it, but as a song I've heard that right now I'm not feeling great but in the future things will get better.