Aches and Pains

Sometime last week I felt really really down as a result of something. Upon reflecting of when I felt that sad, I found it interesting just how sad I felt. I probably could've posted when I felt down/upset, but then I think I would sound really really whiny and I dont' think anyone wants to hear that. So I guess now that its been a couple days since me feeling so down, I suppose I'll reflect upon why I felt so down/sad. Read on if you would like to hear or if your're really bored, otherwise you shouldn't concern yourself with this. I'm just writing this stuff so that later on I can read this and reflect upon it later on in my life.

Its interesting how one little thing that happened to me would cause so much saddness in me. How one little event opened up so many old wounds in me. Let's see that little thing was when I knew that I did really really bad on my calc quiz. My initial reaction was that I was upset for doing so badly, since I understood the material I just made stupid mistakes. Then I went through the typical down or sad feeling everyone has when they know that they did bad on any test/quiz.

Although the saddness that I felt did not go away after sometime, even when some people tried to cheer me up I still felt really sad. I guess for some reason the event of me doing bad on that quiz caused many old scars to open back up within me. With that the saddness only grew larger within me. Once I got back to the dorms I just sat at my computer listening to music and trying to do an essay, which instead of doing it I reflected upon the saddness I was feeling. My mind kept going back to many past mistakes that I've made and that I regret and it kept playing them over and over again.

Then I started to get a little depressed as the night went on. I guess the reason why I felt more and more depressed as the night went on was that I also thought of depressing thoughts too. Such as, how everyone one in this world is only one little insignificant being and that all our actions that we undertake are considered to be nothing. Another depressing thought that I thought about was how no one really cares what you are or what you do in this world. That everyone is only looking out for themselves and not caring about anyone. I felt really sad and scared that I would even consider such thoughts to be true. That night I almost even cried, but since I haven't cried in about four years it was hard to start all of a sudden so I sort of tried to deal with my saddness by going for a short walk around the dorms. After my walk I sort of felt a little better, so I tried to work on my essay only to not work on it at all and staying awake to around 3ish. Although before I signed off to sleep I found that some people had tried to im me asking what was the matter. That also helped in making me feel a little better because it dispelled the thought that no one cared about anyone in this world. So thanks to the people who im'ed me asking if I was ok you know who you are.

Whew what a long reflection, if anyone stayed through the whole thing then thanks for taking the time to read this reflection.