Happiness is...(con't)

I guess I'll expand a little more on my previous post after reflecting on it for a while. So here's another warning that this is probably going to be a depressing post. So read only if you care to read or are just really bored, its up to you.

Since I my last post I've been thinking about the importance of happiness to me and to people in general. Is happiness so important that people are willing to do anything to ensure their own happiness? Or would people forgo their own happiness to make sure that others around them were happy and not sad. For me I try to make sure people are happy, or at least try to cheer them up. Although, lately I've been doubting myself, do I just delude myself by saying that I try to ensure the happiness of others so that I dont' feel sad as a result of their saddness. I don't know, perhaps it just that lately it seems to me that I've been letting some people down and that I don't mean it. Some may say that I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but I guess I beat myself up over letting someone down is because they are my friend and I hate letting friends down.

As I mentioned in my last post I've still been having some ups and downs, but I think that I'm still down. Although, is saddness all that bad? Since my last post I questioned why do people label saddness as such a bad thing. Lately to me the saddness doesn't seem like a bad thing. All the bad things in the world don't seem as bad anymore. This feeling is a sort of apathy I guess. A feeling that one knows that something bad is going to happen, yet one does nothing to avoid it they let it happen and accept the consequences without any feeling. For example, since I've been letting so some of my friends down or annoying them I thought that they would abandon me and then I would be a loner once again. When I thought of this I wasn't sad, since I was already sad, I was sort of amused by this. Since I would be able to experience the life of a loner again. I think that when I look back on this post when I'm not sad/down, I'm going to be apalled at what I wrote. I should be upset and trying to make amends with the friends that I've hurt, and yet I don't feel a thing, its scary. Since friends help fill the emptiness of the void in one's life. So if I've hurt you, let you down, or just been a bother to you I'm sorry.

You don't have to be concerned since I'm only ranting and reflecting. I'll probably get better eventually, which will probably be soon since I finished my last midterm yesterday. So whatever, I should probably get back to working on my chem lab stuff. Later.