Life and how it loves to screw with us...

"Life sucks" is the classic cliche that is heard from people who are experiencing difficulties. In my view of things I believe that life loves to screw with us in many little ways. Whether it be creating many distractions or things to do so that you lose perspective of things or that you can't see that special someone.

Life always seem to do that to me. Lately, I haven't been feeling as well as I should and I don't know why. Then some how life always finds ways to get other people mad at me or get them annoyed at me. An example is how I have difficulty controling my tone of voice and I guess people don't know that since it appears that I do have it under control, but I accidently said something to my friend in a mean way when I didn't mean to. Then I get someone mad at me and then I have to finish up an essay and then it all ends up being ugh/meh/blah... Another moment Life gets to me is that its been screwing with me for so long that its kind of drove me to be a little more depressed/sad/cynical even though i feel that I'm not, but from all the bad things or moments where life screwed me I guess makes me feel that way.

Another thing that I find interesting is how Life finds ways to make it seem things are gonna be great, but finds a way to screw you. Like how I won my first poker tournement this made me feel great since I haven't won a tournement ever, but after that I was not able to see the person most important to me since I wasn't able to get in contact. So Life managed to sneak in a great moment with a much worse one after it.

Heh, I don't even know if this makes any sense since I'm ranting and kinda want to get this off my chest. Since lately Life has been screwing with me a lot. Unfortunately, I know that Life isn't done screwing with me yet. I just know that there are going to be many many more complications in my life brought about just because Life is screwing with me. Which kinda makes me sad since I wish that Life could be better, but I know that it won't unfortunately. So if i kinda seem sad then it may be because I've been thinking of how my life is going to get worse. *sigh...

Oh well anyway, this is a rant so no one take it too seriously even though I know no one will anyway...heh.... alright later....

Additional Ranting to add to the previous rant... To add how Life loves to screw with everyone, it also seems to delight in dangling potential opportunities in front of our face and we know that we cannot take that opportunity because Life throws something at you that one cannot avoid. Thereby causing you to miss your opportunity.

For my next part of my rant it would help if one was an avid watcher of Scrubs, which is by the way the best show. Anyway, the episode where J.D. is yelled at by Dr. Cox just over something stupid and plus Dr. Cox was really pissed to begin with too. Well, J.D. is torn a new one by Dr. Cox and he's talking to Turk about how Dr. Cox always yells at J.D. over nothing and how there's no one else in the hospital that gets to do that to Dr. Cox. Although, Carla is the one who yells at Dr. Cox for yelling at J.D. This is how I felt all my life, how theres always someone who gets mad at me and yells at me for no reason or even if I'm right. Unfortunately, for me there's no "Carla" in my life to stand up to all the people in my life who've yelled at me over nothing or stupid stuff. An example is my dad, I can't really remember the details but all I remember is that I was being yelled at my dad over some stupid thing where I was right. The sad thing is that almost all the people in my life who've gotten mad at me or yelled at me never ever apologize afterward. I suppose that all the people in my life never regret saying anything while they're yelling at me, I mean when I get mad at someone over something stupid and yell at them I apologize for being so mean and for saying all those hurtful things. Or perhaps they're stuborn to apologize even though they did indeed hurt that person a lot, but I doubt it since I believe no one can be that stuborn. Since it appears that nobody apologizes to me after they "tear me a new one" it makes me assume that all the hurtful things they've said about me in their anger is all true and this causes my self esteem, confidence, self image, and my overall value of me to plumet. Now I've told you that many people have gotten mad at me and yelled at me, so maybe your thinking that I could not have fallen that far down. Heh...that's kind of where your wrong because many times I've hit bottom, but here's the good news after I hit bottom I can't go any further :). And when I hit bottom I have a difficult time climbing back up. The funny thing is that after I make some progress toward climbing back up I'm always knocked down. Its as if life is saying that I'm not allowed to be happy and that I should just accept the darkness and become it even though I don't want to. Many times I've been happy thanks to my special someone, but sometimes Life wants to get me there too. So nothing is safe.... By the way just to clarify my paraphrase of the Scrubs anecdote comes from Scrubs, just so no one sues me for it.

-Goodbye