Happy and Sad....

Current Song: Linkin Park-Numb

Happiness and saddness, I find that the two emotions in my life are quite balanced. Much like the way yin and yang represent the balance between light and dark, good and evil. I believe that my happiness and my saddness are in a balance as well, although they come in the form of good and bad events that cause me to be happy or sad. I think that once a certain quota of good or bad events occur then the events that take place reverse, so if there are a lot of events that are happy then that quota is full then to balance out the happiness there are the events that make me sad. All the events can come in many different forms but the end result of it is whether or not the event is meant to make me sad or happy. For example a bad event that could occur is that someone gets mad at me and I really have no idea why, another one is that I get hurt badly that the pain usually continues for a good couple weeks. Whatever the case the end result is the same I'm happy after the event or I'm sad after it.

If an event is a good one, where after I am feeling happy or pretty good then I usually enjoy them. However, to me it seems like there is a lacking in happy events take take place. The sad events usually evoke the emotions of: saddness, frustration, anger, and overall the helplessness of being able to determine why such events must take place. Since for me I've learned that there is an action and consequence in all my acts, so when something bad happens to me and I know that I've done something wrong to deserve it then I'll try not to do it in the future. Although when it comes to my balance between my good and bad events that cause me joy or saddness, I don't really know why some events occur. Most of the time this deals with when the bad events occur because I can never really figure out why I deserve it, and sometimes the bad event is really severe and that really leaves me wondering why? Then this usually leads me to a sort of depression, and helplessness since I know that a lot of bad things are going to occur. (The helplessness thing is something that I've learned from my psych class since there is nothing I can do to prevent the bad events from happening because they're going to occur anyway so I guess I developed a helplessness. I guess that doesn't make much sense but who cares, this is my rant and rave so I can say what I want.) Since from past experience when one bad thing happens it usually sets off a chain of bad events so as a result of all those bad events I can't help but feel sad, mad, confused, frustrated, and depressed. The chain of bad events usually last for a while so I think I also mentally prepare myself to be ready for them so I might appear and sound apathic or sad.

I think the consequence of my mind preparing itself for those bad events is that it makes me not notice the little good things that occur. Even though those little good things may happen its usually not enough to get me out of the sad slump. I think that to combat the chain of sad events a chain of good events has to occur. The downside to this is that a lot of good things will happen then it will be followed by a lot of bad things. Sometimes it gets me wondering if I should be happy? Since I'm only happy for a little while then sad. Oh well, I know that this probably doesn't make much sense because I'm ranting and raving, but this was something that I had to get out of my mind. Oh yea and by the way right now I think I'm the bad event slump... hopefully things will start to look up soon, really soon I hope.