Full Moon out Tonight

Had a random thought after I went through some of my old past entries in my blog. I guess I'll continue to write in this despite a large majority of my friends stop writing in their blogs. Don't get me wrong I still have a few people who continue to blog and I read them from time to time. Going back to my original point, last night instead of studying I was going through my old past blog entries all the way to 2004. Which is 7 years ago, its crazy when I was reading how my past self was writing about. I was trying to think back to how I felt as I read those past entries. It felt kinda nostalgic. I found that my past self is a lot more reflective than my current self, since I guess I find that I rant more then reflect.

Then I got to thinking if I were to talk to my past self what would they say to me seeing me as I am now. Would my past self be glad of the way I turned out or ashamed. Since I wonder how would our past selves react if they knew that they would be doing what my current self is capable of. I guess an example is how as a kid when my dad or grandpa had beer or alcohol and held it up to me to smell I would say it smelled "yucky," who would've thought that years later I would be drinking the very same thing that I once considered disgusting.

Another interesting thing is when I was younger I was pretty much a loner who was shy and didn't want to cause anyone any trouble. Who would have thought that as I grew up and went to high school and college that I would make friends and slowly come out of my shell. I still am a little shy, but I think I'm a lot more outgoing than I was when I was a kid.

I also wonder how would my past self feel if I told him all the struggles he would face that I have already faced. Would my past self be scared or full of fire and passion to take upon those challenges. I wonder how my past self would react if I said that as you grow up you'll face challenges and you'll get hurt and you'll cry. Probably hearing this one would be fearful, but I wonder if my past self would be strong enough to know that they'll stand right back up after getting knocked down. Sometimes I tend to forget that when I fall down that I can get right back up and dust myself off and keep on going. I wonder what I fear in getting back up? Perhaps its that I fear of the pain of falling down again, but that's a little foolish since I've already experienced the pain and that I might as well get back up and keep on going. I guess I tend to forget my quote I put on facebook "Endure life's pain and show this cruel world kind people can still live on..." Since I've seen a lot in life how it only seems that nice guys always finish last since they think too much of others and little of themselves. As I've said before in past and previous posts that I want to show that I'll be the nice guy who finishes first. I guess a reason nice guys finish last is because they don't want to take what would make them happy since it might make someone else sad. At times I struggle to figure out what I want to be happy. After about two years I still find it hard to do things and think of myself to do things that will help myself. I tend to think of how I can make others happy and even if its at the cost of me being happy I would accept it, if it meant that someone else could smile. Although I know that I am only human and that there are times I feel overwhelmed and that at times I wish someone could save me from my unhappiness. Although I know that I don't talk about if I'm feeling down. I guess I don't want to seem like I'm whining and annoying. It's alright though I'll continue to walk my path and endure the slings and arrows of life and show the world that there are nice, kind people still out there.

On an unrelated note I wish I had more time so I could just sit and enjoy the sun while on the grass. Or watch the moon and night sky. There's just so much stuff we do in our lives that we barely take the time to slow down and look. I just got out of a meeting and I looked up at the night sky and saw the full moon. Somehow I was captivated by its beauty, but at the same time saddened because I knew that I would not be able to enjoy the view for very long since I have stuff to do. I think that at the very least people should take five minutes to sit and enjoy the scenery and reflect upon its beauty.