Broken Down

An interesting thing had occurred on this night and wanted to partially document it for myself. Seeing as this blog has fallen off the wayside of many people's radar of which is understandable since with many changes that occur people forget and or lose the blog links they once had. Unless they post the link up somewhere. I feel that this blog is to float about in the internet to be seen by strangers rarely only to wonder of my madness.

The curious thing that happened was that I feel that I had a sort of mental breakdown of some sort. Not too sure as to what brought it about. Could be stress, reflections upon my increasing cynicism, feelings of loneliness and isolation. One could argue why did I not try to reach out. A sad answer which may make me sound depressed is that I feel as  though I would be burdening others. I don't want my mom to worry since she has enough on her plate. I suppose everything was all bottled up and burst upon this night. My insomnia has been getting worse to note as well. With no one seemingly to turn to I cried out to God and Jesus and laid out everything that was within me. It was a curious scene as I was laughing hysterically upon dreadful things, ex. thoughts of how I have no one to reach out to and how I further isolated myself by moving to a different state, how I may appear a judgmental hypocrite. To crying over all the regrets that I have and how I must appear dreadful to others and how I struggle to do well but it seems like its not good enough.

This went on for about 45 minutes or so I believe. At the moment it is 3:19am and feeling a little better. If I had to place myself I could argue I have partial depression of some sort. I should probably ready myself for bed and hope to grab some sleep.