I am Strong, but I am Tired

The title of this post "I am strong, but I am tired," was something I had seen on facebook on one of those inspiring message things or what not. This had me reflect upon myself. I would like to think that I am strong in a mental and sort of physical sense. However, there are times that I feel weary and worn out.

I suppose one of my discussions with my friend I told them that my biggest flaw is that I do not reach out to people when I should. It's ironic and a bit sad that for me I feel that I should help raise up others before fixing myself. To which I guess this could lead to me feeling worn out and barely having anytime to "fix myself." However, I suppose in a way I find ways to deal with what weighs me down. I guess one way is that I spent time self reflecting and somehow this restores me somewhat. Although, I know that this is not entirely healthy but it is something that I am trying to work on day by day to help become the man I want to be.

One memory that comes to my mind is when I had just started my new job as a full time pharmacist and not as a resident. The beginning of my job where I was struggling greatly to get used to the new system and the fast pace of the clinic. There were many frustrations along the way, one being that I would be at work much later than most people. I think it was somewhere around 9:30 or 10ish, I was finishing and leaving the clinic. I was catching up on notes and whatever else I could to get ready for the next day. I remember one night I was there late and as I was typing a note I felt a great anger, or rage at how unfair it was that I was still there and how I wasn't sure if I could keep this going. I think I pounded my fists on the desk a couple times in frustration, thankfully no one else was there in the clinic to hear or see me. After a few moments I had collected myself and kept going until I finished for the night. Each day after that I kept trying to improve myself and adapt to the fast pace and the clinic computer system. Which leads me to today, I've been at that job for about 2 years now and got used to using their system. I am still leaving late, but not as last as I was before. I also found ways to deal with the barrage of stress and curve balls that the clinic and patients throw at me. In comparison I would like to say that I had grown a lot in many ways in these past 2 years, not only clinically but also as a person.

Unfortunately, during that time that I had mentioned earlier I did not really share this with anyone. If people asked me how my job was going or how I was, to which I would reply with "Its fine.. or busy." I know that this is probably expecting too much of others but sometime I would wish that someone would say "is it really fine, are you ok." Possibly one thing that would limit me from sharing what is bothering me is that I do not want to burden others with my problems or I'm embarrassed that I'm having this problem. Embarrassed in the sense that I'm thinking that normal people shouldn't have this issue.

That's probably what I can coherently go on about since I'm feeling a little tired despite I still have to try to work out tonight. Although I continue to take each step forward in my life to improve myself in little ways, while at the same time helping others and ensuring that they can smile and laugh in life.