dreams and short naps

Is it just me or does anyone else get really weird dreams that you kinda remember but not completely when they take short naps?

Rantings

Hmmm....haven't ranted in a while, so I guess I'll rant today. I guess I get irrated really easily about many little things that proabably seem ridiculous to get irrated at. For example, people who continually slurp their drink. I mean I understand if they do it once, but if they slurp every drink they take then I get really irrated. Another example is my roomate, Javier, bolts the door when he goes out for a little bit. This is ok, the thing that irrates me is that when he bolts the door he lets it slam. The noise made from the door slamming while bolted makes a very loud thud that is so loud that I can hear it when I'm wearing my headphones. What makes this worse is that he goes in and out many times which results in multiple loud thuds. It drives me crazy sometimes. The other people in my hall all know not to let the door slam while its bolted because they know that it makes a loud thud if they let it slam. This makes me wonder why Javier does not gently close the door when he bolts it so it won't make the loud thud when the door is closed. So now everytime Javier bolts the door to go out I put the doorstop in the door so when the door is slammed it won't make that loud thud. Ok, on to another thing that's been irrating me this week.

The other ridiculous thing that's been irrating me lately is when you hold the door open for people and they don't say thank you even when your staring at them as your holding the door open. I just don't understand how people can walk on by as I'm holding the door without a simple "thank you." This occured quite a lot at the beginning of last week. Since I'm a nice guy I hold the door open for people if I see that they are behind me. For example this one girl was talking on her cell and I'm holding the door for her and she just walks in she glances at me and looks away and starts talking on her cell again once she's inside. She didn't thank me, at first I thought it was because she was busy talking on her cell but other people on their cell phones at least looked up and said thanks to me. After this incident it was followed by many many more inconsiderate people. This irrated me greatly, and sort of saddened me.

Since after those series of inconsiderate/mean/rude people I got to thinking if it was worth it to be a nice person in this cruel world. Many people in this world are mean, and would probably walk all over you if you were the nice guy. Also nice people are rarely acknowledged for their acts of kindness. Even if those deeds were acknowledged they would probably be quickly forgotten. Its sad how there's so many mean people and so few nice people. I just don't understand how people can be mean to others. When all it takes is a little kindess to make this world a better place.

So after reflecting on this for a week, I've decided to try to remain a nice guy. I may not be it all the time, but I'm going to try harder to be nicer because I've concluded that this world needs some kindness even if its a little to keep it from being a maelstrom of pain and suffering. Anyways that's my rant. See you later.

Ughhh....Midterms

Don't you ever just hate it how whenever a really hard midterm is coming up you study and study for it, but slowly the work from the other classes just seem to build up. It just seems all so overwhelming at times.

Anyways probably gonna update this post with something more meaningful sometime later cuz my head is full of concepts and calculations for chem. Ughhh....

Today

First half of today was just wow...

Second half of today is going to be tedious and long -_-.

Losing it...

Just about everyone has done it. Lose their temper, their cool, their control... It takes a great deal of patience to learn to control oneself under trying circumstances. People can lose control because of their anger, because of the pressure, or stress.

It's understandable why people would lose control at times. Although, the conseqences of losing control can either be great or little. Unfortunately we are not able to choose the extent of the conseqence from losing control because when you lose control you act without emotion. When one loses control you act with malice and cruelty, not caring at all of conseqences at that moment that you lose control. Even the nicest of people are not exempt from it. As a result you may hurt others, say things you do not mean to say, or hurt yourself. Thus creating regret for your actions when you lost control. Even if you're able to apologize to those whom you've hurt because you lost control. Its difficult to forgive yourself for your transgressions.

From experience I know just how hard it is to deal with losing control. In the past I think I've lost control a few times and I really regret it later. Although one time that I lost control would open my eyes to the conseqences of losing control. I was at a boy scout meeting and at the time I was the senior patrol leader, the head guy in charge of almost everything for those of you who aren't boy scouts, and there's this one kid that would always cause trouble. Well at this particular meeting I took him off to the side and had a small talk with him and his immature behavior that would disrupt the meeting. Oh by the way this kid was the most annoying person ever, and just about everyone knew it. Anyways I was talking to him and asked why he acted the way he did. The punk wasn't even listening to me, and this really pissed me off because he would never respect anyone and this was the last time I was going to let him get away with it. I got so angry that I punched the wall that we were next to. Then I yelled at him at the top of my lungs at how much of a distraction to everyone and how he did jack to help at the meetings. Anyways after I did that my hand had swelled to the size of a grapefruit. This was when I found out that I had broken my hand.

The time my hand was in the cast healing I thought alot about why and how could I have lost control. Since until then I've never lost control that severely. Anyways after my hand had healed I found out that I could not make a complete fist since I had broken the last two knuckles on my right hand. From then on I strove not to lose control again, because I didn't want to have anyone hurt as a result of me losing control. So everytime I almost lose control because I'm angry or stressed I look at incomplete right fist and remember the potential conseqences of losing control. This scar that was created by that event I use to keep myself from losing control and from hurting anyone or myself.

So I understand how people can lose control of themselves. Even if at times it may be directed at me its ok since I'll be able to handle it. Although I hope for everyone that they learn to restrain themselves before they do something to someone that they really care about and then regret it forever.

I know that for my past transgressions when I lost control cannot be justified. So to all the people whom I've hurt in the past because I lost control "I'm sorry..."