Losing it...

Just about everyone has done it. Lose their temper, their cool, their control... It takes a great deal of patience to learn to control oneself under trying circumstances. People can lose control because of their anger, because of the pressure, or stress.

It's understandable why people would lose control at times. Although, the conseqences of losing control can either be great or little. Unfortunately we are not able to choose the extent of the conseqence from losing control because when you lose control you act without emotion. When one loses control you act with malice and cruelty, not caring at all of conseqences at that moment that you lose control. Even the nicest of people are not exempt from it. As a result you may hurt others, say things you do not mean to say, or hurt yourself. Thus creating regret for your actions when you lost control. Even if you're able to apologize to those whom you've hurt because you lost control. Its difficult to forgive yourself for your transgressions.

From experience I know just how hard it is to deal with losing control. In the past I think I've lost control a few times and I really regret it later. Although one time that I lost control would open my eyes to the conseqences of losing control. I was at a boy scout meeting and at the time I was the senior patrol leader, the head guy in charge of almost everything for those of you who aren't boy scouts, and there's this one kid that would always cause trouble. Well at this particular meeting I took him off to the side and had a small talk with him and his immature behavior that would disrupt the meeting. Oh by the way this kid was the most annoying person ever, and just about everyone knew it. Anyways I was talking to him and asked why he acted the way he did. The punk wasn't even listening to me, and this really pissed me off because he would never respect anyone and this was the last time I was going to let him get away with it. I got so angry that I punched the wall that we were next to. Then I yelled at him at the top of my lungs at how much of a distraction to everyone and how he did jack to help at the meetings. Anyways after I did that my hand had swelled to the size of a grapefruit. This was when I found out that I had broken my hand.

The time my hand was in the cast healing I thought alot about why and how could I have lost control. Since until then I've never lost control that severely. Anyways after my hand had healed I found out that I could not make a complete fist since I had broken the last two knuckles on my right hand. From then on I strove not to lose control again, because I didn't want to have anyone hurt as a result of me losing control. So everytime I almost lose control because I'm angry or stressed I look at incomplete right fist and remember the potential conseqences of losing control. This scar that was created by that event I use to keep myself from losing control and from hurting anyone or myself.

So I understand how people can lose control of themselves. Even if at times it may be directed at me its ok since I'll be able to handle it. Although I hope for everyone that they learn to restrain themselves before they do something to someone that they really care about and then regret it forever.

I know that for my past transgressions when I lost control cannot be justified. So to all the people whom I've hurt in the past because I lost control "I'm sorry..."