Insomnia Attacks, it's super effective against tired Marcus

Wow been posting quite a lot the past few days on my blog. Guess that's a lot more than my usual post every 6 months or so. As one can tell from the title I think my insomnia has been getting worse. Right now I kinda understand how Edward Norton felt in Fight Club since his character suffered from insomnia as well. I could very well try to sleep right now but I think I would probably toss and turn in bed. I wonder if its my worries that keep me up, since I'm a little worried about the cumulative exam I have when I start school. Another thing I'm worried about is all the crap that's gonna hit me when I start. There'll be school work, club stuff, frat stuff, and SBC stuff. I guess I'll have to really manage my time well this year. No wasting time on facebook or youtube, only on weekends. Or I wonder if its just thoughts I've been having recently. Or I could just be plain homesick since I've only been up in Norcal for about 2 weeks or so.

Right now I feel a tad bit odd. I feel tired but not really tired enough to fall asleep. Also my eyes feel tired and I feel a bit nauseous. Really strange combination if I say so myself. This is really gonna be a post that's a stream of consciousness since I felt I should document my insomnia so I can reference it for the future. This hot weather sucks up in Norcal makes me miss the great Socal weather. When I start thinking about that I start to miss my family and great friends. Maybe its the fun I miss I have when I'm at home. Since I can really relax at home and have random conversations with my brothers which are fun. I can go watch our two bunnies play around in the backyard or just lounge around. I also miss having fun with my friends, since around them I really feel I can be myself and not have to be so guarded. I want to sit and watch the stars with my friends and discuss life and stuff, I want to karaoke, I want to eat some ramen from Shin sen gumi, and right now I'm craving sushi. Wow that was a lot of "I wants" sorry if that sounds selfish but like I said this post is really gonna be a stream of consciousness.

I wonder if my insomnia could be from thoughts that have been coming and going of stuff that I know I have no control over. Not sure. It also kinda sucks that when I feel down there are a lot of things I can do to cheer myself up but when I'm in my "insomnia mode" it just seems that I feel empty. This feeling I find odd since I don't know why I feel that way. Trying to write a poem but I'm having difficulty in writing it out. I have a basic outline of what I want to convey and express. It kinda sucks that I suck at writing poems, since there isn't really a rhythm or rhyme to it. I write what I want to express to my readers. I know my skill in writing poems isn't that great since I took a creative writing course and I thought I could easily write poems, but my professor told me I had a lot to work on it. Although when I get inspiration for a poem I like to write out what's in my heart and put that on the paper as the poem. As corny as that sounds that is me the poet. I don't think I could get any poems I write published, but that can be a hobby of mine once school is out.

I guess I hate to feel this way the way I'm feeling now in my insomnia. Last night couldn't really sleep until about 5am last I remember. I really wish I could just fall asleep easily. Guess the only reason my body falls asleep may be due to the exhaustion it feels.

Its funny how I think my last post was about improving myself to talk to them more. I guess a reason I don't really want to is because I don't want to be a bother to them since I know everyone has their own life and I would feel bad if I were to suddenly disrupt them because I want to "talk." Although the aim chats that I have with some friends do help me feel better. Hmmm maybe an email pen pal could work since people could read it at their leisure and if they wanted to could reply back. Anyone want to be email pen pals from my readers? It's alright if I don't get a response like I said this blog is to post and vent my thoughts so I can feel better by using this as an outlet. I need to be able to overcome this because life isn't easy, it's filled with challenges to overcome. The challenges are not all painless some or many can be quite painful since its life. I guess there are points in life where I could shout "that's not fair!" although that's just it life isn't fair. Something my pastor said at a sermon was "Life is unfair, but life goes on." Which is really true because if life were fair then living life would be easy. I guess I'm afraid of what ups and downs the future holds for me. Since every year I always go through ups and downs. My fear is the fear of the unknown because I don't know what's going to happen I get scared. I try to control what I can but that is futile. I need to learn to let go and let life carry me in all its unexpectedness.

I guess that's enough nonsense for one night. To my readers who read this I appreciate you took the time to read through my nonsense stream of consciousness. Goodnight, well hopefully I'll be able to sleep soon and not in a couple of hours since its 3:30am right now.